Blah, blah, blah!

Down in the dumps, depressed, in a funk, a malaise, the BLAHS! Call it what you want, it still means the same thing. At various times in our lives we feel out of sorts, a little out of step and that can be very frustrating or down right depressing.

I'm not a psychologist; I have no idea why these emotions come or how to make them go. I have my ideas about my own feelings and why I have them or don't, but I wouldn't try and figure that out for others. Now that we have my credentials straightened out, on with the blah, blah, blah.

I am normally a very UP person who can see positives when others see negatives. I am not unrealistic and wear rose colored glasses, but I like to take a more positive aproach to things. That attitude and general personality was assaulted throughout the year by the challenges we are all facing. I had a serious blow to my attitude when my largest sales win, Fender guitars, pulled the plug on a program we were awarded. This program was valued at $14,000,000 in 2010. (Big comissions) Back in November, on a Friday, we had a meeting and it was full steam ahead, and the following Monday it was, "This program has been killed due to the economy." Boom, our growth, gone. Boom, financial reward, gone. Boom, looming corporate layoffs because of lower than forecasted sales. It was a huge blow to many of us. I had worked on this deal for years and the company had invested tens of thousands into the project. This was money that we will never see a return on, and in this place in time, WE NEED THAT MONEY. These are VERY trying times. Daily I have customers asking for price concessions, orders diminishing, costs increasing and competition more hungry than ever. Between the daily stresses and the crushing blow of big losses, my attitude crumbled and I caught a serious case of the BLAH's!

Although I was not in a deep state of depression, I certainly was far from positive and up beat. I put on the happy face when I had too. I acted the part in front of clients and coworkers, but deep down I could have cared less what they did or what they said. I was becoming numb. I didn't have the drive to get up early and be on top of my day. I didn't care if I was ready for a conference call; because I thought they were all stupid and worthless anyway. I found myself being rude to people who didn't deserve it. I was snappy and short with my employees when they didn't do what I had asked, or did it wrong. I was REALLY BEING AN ASSHOLE!

Last week seemed to be a culmination of emotions for me. Between home and work everything formed to create a perfect storm. For a couple of days you could have cut the tension in the home with a knife. That does not happen in our home very often...almost never. I could only see frustration, irritation, disappointment and every other negative part of life. I was really digressing fast and didn't even realize it. It wasn't until I snapped at Sue at work that I realized I was the problem and my attitude needed a serious adjustment. I was embarrassed that I barked at her. I called her up at the end of the day and apologized for being rude and barking at her. I explained that I had let everything get the best of me and that I was not going to let that happen again. She forgave me and laughed. She thanked me for apologizing and told me that she understood. I immediately started to feel better. That simple act of making a negative situation right by apologizing started the break out of my malaise. I could feel the heaviness lifting and lightness coming in.

I got up early again, for the first time in a week, and went to the gym. I was there before Dixie that day. I ran fast and felt good. (Fast is a relative term here. For me that meant 1 mile in 8.24 minutes.) I ran two in my requisite 20 minutes then went to lift weights. Dixie and I pumped some iron for a bit before I had to go. Instead of feeling BLAH blah blah; I only felt blah. It was happening; little by little the funk was leaving and I was seeing the positives around me.

I am beginning to think that EVERY DAY is going to bring an assault on my cheery disposition. I saw that interest rates are now at 5% for 30 fixed. I decided it was time that I looked into refinancing my house. I was pretty sure I new my value as I've calculated it based on the percentage drops that they have reported. When I called the bank they told me that their value they showed in their computer was $80K less than what I was expecting. I was floored. I'm not upside down, but I am WAYYYYY off from the equity we had. I have to admit, I was sick to my stomach and could feel the blahs coming back. However, I had experienced enough positives to fight off the blahs, and get rid of the last blah and realize that we are STILL better off than many and for that we are richly blessed. We have jobs and a business that we will continue to develop. We WILL be the masters of our future.

It's amazing how my mind opens up to me when I live with a positive attitude. When I was in my malaise I could not think of anything creative. I had no ideas on how to grow my company or increase sales. I DIDN'T really CARE. But now, Jody and I find ourselves talking about our goals and our marketing ideas and how we're going to grow our company together. These are GOOD ideas and they are flowing. I'm enthused about the challenges ahead of us because they will help us appreciate the success that lies ahead too.

The Next Generation

After a week of working and traveling the Pacific Northwest I was thrilled to get home last night. It was a little after 9pm that I finally got home and hugged my kids. Maya ran to me and jumped into my arms. She's just the right size to be able to wrap her legs and arms around me and rest her head on my shoulder. Conner yelled up to me from where he laid and expected me to lean down to welcome ME home with a hug. Both of those welcome home's were typical of each kid. The welcome that surprised me the most was Quinn's. He welcomed me by saying, "hey, remember to wake me up in the morning; I'm going to the gym with you." I was shocked.

I thought about Quinn's request to join me in the gym and couldn't help but smile. Sure, I was pleased at the thought that he ASSUMED I would be going to the gym in the morning, even after coming home from a week long trip, but that wasn't the most pleasing part. I was pleased to see Quinn take a little initiative and decide that HE wanted to get into the gym and do some work.

So, this morning, at 5:50am I woke Quinn up and both of us bleary eyed stumbled out to the truck to go work out. When we got there we saw Dixie running full tilt on the tread mill. (I had originally planned on swimming, but Quinn didn't want to do that.) So, we joined Dixie and ran beside her briefly. Our plan was to get a nice sweat going then lift weights. However, when I put the dumbbells in Quinn's hand, he grimaced and complained about his wrist still hurting. About a week ago he fell snowboarding and sprained his right wrist. With a sprained wrist you can't lift weights. So, we regrouped, and jumped on the stationary bikes. When it was all said and done we had a good work out. I had a pile of sweat below me, and Quinn looked like he was cool and calm. I saw him work out, and he was keeping a good pace, but he didn't sweat. Weird because he certainly stunk!

Anyway, I'm hoping that he'll stick with it and I'll have a new gym partner. It's fun watching him grow up and discover new things in life. Today it was the gym...tomorrow; who knows? I'm just glad that I get to be his Dad and be here to watch his world open up.